..a wink of the eye and winking stars

I can get over almost everything, except for the fact I wasn't born in 1922.

Amongst other things, I could have witnessed: The Beatles, Frank Sinatra, Martin Luther King Jr , Neil Armstrong, The fall of the Berlin Wall, the Spirit of St Louis, The Jazz Singer, flapper dresses, poodle skirts, Gandhi's 240 mile journey, Mae West, Jackie Robinson, Jackson Pollock, I Love Lucy Live, the Double Helix, The King, Ms. Parks, burning bras, Studio 54, the peace movement....so forth, so on.

Most importantly, I would have met Jack Kerouac...

The road is life. [On the Road]

Somewhere along the line I knew there'd be girls, visions, everything; somewhere along the line the pearl would be handed to me. [On the Road]

“Now you understand the Oriental passion for tea," said Japhy. "Remember that book I told you about the first sip is joy, the second is gladness, the third is serenity, the fourth is madness, the fifth is ecstasy.” [The Dharma Bums]

Pretty girls make graves. [The Dharma Bums]

But then they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!' [On the Road]

As early pioneers in the knowing, that when you lose your reason, you attain
highest perfect knowing. [Book of Blues]

But why think about that when all the golden land's ahead of you and all kinds of unforeseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive to see?

What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.

Write in recollection and amazement for yourself.

Maybe that's what life is...a wink of the eye and winking stars.

My witness is the empty sky.

No man should go through life without once experiencing healthy, even bored solitude in the wilderness, finding himself depending solely on himself and thereby learning his true and hidden strength.

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become
panic-stricken.

Mankind is like dogs, not gods--as long as you dont get mad they'll bite you--but stay mad and you'll never be bitten. Dogs dont respect humility & sorrow.

You never die enough to cry.

All is well, practice kindness, heaven is nigh.

I felt like lying down by the side of the trail and remembering it all. The woods do that to you, they always look familiar, long lost, like the face of a long-dead relative, like an old dream, like a piece of forgotten song drifting across the water, most of all like golden eternities of past childhood or past manhood and all the living and the dying and the heartbreak that went on a million years ago and the clouds as they pass overhead seem to testify (by their own lonesome familiarity) to this feeling. Ecstasy, even, I felt, with flashes of sudden remembrance, and feeling sweaty and drowsy I felt like sleeping and dreaming in the grass.

New York gets god-awful cold in the winter but there's a feeling of wacky comradeship somewhere in some streets.

We should be wondering tonight, "Is there a world?" But I could go and talk on 5, 10, 20 minutes about is there a world, because there is really no world, cause sometimes I'm walkin’ on the ground and I see right through the ground. And there is no world. And you'll find out.

As I grew older I became a drunk. Why? Because I like ecstasy of the mind. I'm a wretch. But I love, love. [Satori in Paris]

All of life is a foreign country. [letter, June 24, 1949]

and last...but not least..

_______________________________________
I like too many things and get all hung-up and confused running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

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Wear Sunscreen.

When my mom was driving me to school one morning, I vividly remember this song/poem playing on the radio. It never left my mind. It's something I think I've tried to live by. I've gone ahead and bolded/highlighted certain things that stuck out in my mind....

______________________
Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. (oops)

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

The Hope Lodge

I work in a magical place called the Hope Lodge.

Everyday, I get to wake up knowing that whatever I do within that 7 hour work period has been done to help save lives. However, everyday, I get to wake up knowing that I will run into people in the elevator, hallways, or kitchen that are facing a much harder battle some of us will ever face.

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve."

- Albert Schweitzer

Road Rage on the Sidewalks of Manhattan

So my office has recently moved locations. I no longer get to ride the 7 Train which is saddening but at least now I am 15 minutes walking distance from work. I don't know how I feel about this whole walking thing though, its like I am my own car and I have to navigate my way down the sidewalks and streets of Manhattan full of rudeness, idiotness, and the miserably slow.

Since very few people drive here, we all have become our own form of vehicle. We have to tactfully maneuver our way down the sidewalks and streets, steer clear of oncoming pedestrian traffic, and obey our own traffic Signals; walk when the Walking Man on the street sign is white, slow down when it starts to flash red, definitely STOP when its red.

Do you think people obey these signs? Not at all. Even I, for instance, have been caught up in the whole 'yea i can make it across, wait no i cant, wait yea I'm just going to do it. Omg i almost died'. I truly don't think drivers have any remorse for human life so before you even think about crossing the street when your pedestrian light is red, you have to commit, as my roomie brett likes to say.

Another thing pedestrian vehicles have to deal with are the fajillion tourists that don't understand the law of the land. If its 8:47am, and you are most likely on Broadway Ave (where my office is), WALK FAST. Don't waddle, stare at your map in bewilderment, or pause to take pictures (only I'm allowed such behavior). I have to get to work and you're in my way. Another thing, don't walk on the right side of the sidewalk if your going against traffic. Isn't this simple knowledge? On stairs we go down the right, we drive on the right, in school we learned to walk on the right side of the hallway, so why all of a sudden do you think the same law doesn't pertain to the sidewalk? Its like bumper cars sometimes and no one ever apologizes. Even me, The Queen of the Apology, just gives a nasty snarl and keeps on going.

Pedestrian traffic does have its benefits though. Yesterday we were walking to Central Park and a cute lil homeless man randomly looked up at us with a huge smile and said "I LOVE YOU!" as if he truly felt it. It sincerely put a smile on my face. On the contrary though, we were walking down 60th street which was hosting a Bastille Day Festival and a scruffy man told the hot dog vendor in the heaviest accent ever, 'Me, I'm a real New Yorker ya f***in' scumbag".

This city suffers from Bi-Polar syndrome.

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The Window Seat

I was so happy this past weekend when every seat I had on my seven flights was a window seat.

I haven't been happy about that for awhile, always hoping for the aisle seat with slightly more leg room and easy access to the bathroom. What happened to the child in us who would stare out that tiny lil window in bewilderment as we saw the World becoming smaller and smaller as we got higher and higher. I remember when I was 6 I was so nervous to fly because I wondered how the pilot would maneuver his way around the clouds. I mean after all, they were made of marshmallow so what would happen if we ran into them? Bounce off into space? I also remember looking out the window and looking up and thinking that if only the pilot veered the nose a bit more upward, we'd be in outer space in seconds. I remember that on every flight I took back to Miami, I would look for the landmarks close to my house and then try to pinpoint my roof. I remember wondering who in the world was able to make the streets so perfectly straight and the massive plots of land so perfectly square. I remember loving the feeling of going to the airport; the smell of the airport was something I could bottle up and smell forever. I remember wondering how on Earth so many different people had to go to so many different places at the same time and how this was the same case 365 days of the year. I remember when my Uncle Joel told me you could buy life insurance at airports from vending machines for 10 cents so it would calm any sudden fears I got. I remember loving and anticipating when people would burst into applause when the plane touched down on the ground.

No one applauds anymore. Instead we look and judge every person that walks onto the plane, we wonder, 'I hope the security looked into that bag or did a strip search because he/she looks suspicious.' Now they don't even give us honey roasted peanuts as a pre-snack before our microwaved mini meals anymore. Now the airport is more of a hassle than of an excitement because you know your gonna have to take off your shoes, hope they dont throw away your mini bottle of lotion, and wait for your 'zone' to be called. I appreciate the safety standards, I know they are necessary but I wish it all didnt have to come down to this. Maybe sometime in the future the airport will be an enjoyable experience again like it used to be. Instead of worrying who's on our plane and what may happen, we wonder how a fajillion pound vehicle goes from ground to flight in a split second. It still bewilders me. I dont even try to think of the fact that we are flying because it really is that mind boggling to me. Even though Im a pilot and have flown a few planes in my day. I love that sense of wonder and awe, I wish I could reproduce it and give it away to the World like candy.

One thing that remained constant though is the mini millisecond of fear we all get at one point during the plane ride. When the plane makes a sudden drop, or we hear a strange sound, or how about that moment when they seem to completely turn off the engine(they need to do something about that. geez)? Ive realized that I dont fear death anymore. I learned that while on the plane. I remember one time when the turbulence was intense, the rain was pouring, and we had been at the gate for an hour before take off for 'safety issues', the plane made a sudden drop and I thought 'okay. this is fine. I've lived a wonderful life. God, I know your ready for me so I guess im ready for you'. Thankfully it was a a false alarm but it really made me think and appreciate that I am at a point where death doesn't scare me. I think its good to think about that from time to time, to analyze if you could peacefully pass on to the next life or if there are some things you'd really like to do before going. Okay, morbid talk. Im only 24, but still..never too late or too soon to start doing the things you know need to do..have to do.


disclaimer: if you didnt let Smashing Pumpkins-1979 load and play while reading, I dont like you. Even you, Diana Puente Gutierrez.

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Food For Thought.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period.. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina).. Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill; thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide).. We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves..

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

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