Yesterday was my Grandparent's funeral and burial and oh what a beautiful day it was..
I woke up with such a sense of calm and solace that I knew they were resting in peace and ready for the
commemoration we were going to have for them.
The weather was perfect, as if heaven sent..
There were over 125 of their closest friends and relatives from all over the World....my entire office even closed for 3 hours and all came in support. (melt my heart.)
I read the Eulogy and had my sister at my side. I told her 'squeeze my hand if
im going too fast, read the rest if I can't even finish'..
But she didn't have to squeeze once, and she didn't have to finish it for me. As daunting as reading a Eulogy of not one, but two, beloved people is..I've never felt more comfortable and happy in my life.
Below is a copy of the words I was able to share with everyone. ___________________________________________________
St. Thomas the Apostle ChurchOctober 4, 201011amToday I share with you not a simple eulogy of two people, but the great story of two individuals who touched many lives.
The story of two role models, two givers, two friends. The story of two family members.
The story of my
Abuelo y
Abuela..
It takes decades for some of the world’s best novelists to find the right combination of words to convey their stories; and it took my grandparents, 55 years –together, to write theirs.
Today, on their 55
th wedding anniversary, I bring them a special gift. I bring them their novel-the fairy tale as seen through my eyes, their eldest granddaughter. A fairy-tale they would have wanted me to share with you.
If the perfect combination of words were easy to come by, we would all be speaking as poets. Throughout this week,
Ive gone through many emotions, I’
ve been sad, I’
ve been mad, I’
ve been nostalgic and I have been happy. Therefore finding the perfect combination was not easy task until i went through some pictures and realized that my grandparents
were the perfect combination.
Alfredo was a son, a brother, an uncle, a father, a neighbor, a giver, a man who loved his
bistec, and an
abuelo. And he played each role perfectly.
Tania was a daughter, a sister, a mother, an aunt, a neighbor, a friend, a woman who filled a room with her radiance, a
pucina, and my
abuela.
As the story often goes, they were Cubans exiles that came to America to make a better life for their children. If you want details on this chapter of their life you can ask my dad. The stories of my father’s childhood involved struggles but always ended with my grandparents leading their family to persevere. They lived the American dream, they had it all, they lost it all, and then they created something where there once was nothing.
My
abuelos stuck together to make better lives for the generations that would follow - Lucky for me.
I was 5 years old when I was introduced to my
Abuelos by my soon-to-be Stepdad. I walked into their house and said ‘
hola abuelo y
abuela, me
llamo Nicole!’ and they welcomed me with open arms.
From that second, it was an inseparable bond. I spent every single weekend of my childhood at their home, they always made sure to have a room for me with pink curtains, pink sheets, and ballerina slippers everywhere; I was their ultimate
girly girl.
Abuelo and
abuelo showed me ‘
las cosas buenas’.
Abuela took me to get my first manicure, gave me my first French braid, she enrolled me in ballet and piano lessons.
She taught me how to be a lady.
A lady must always know how to play the piano, tennis, speak French and always have her nails done.
She wakes up 2 hours before work to get dressed and always wears the finest perfumes
She knows every word to
guantanamera, and always offer
un cafesito to her guests
My
Abuela was the epitome of elegance and class.
It
wasnt until recently I learned my grandmother was not in fact 58 years old like I had always thought, but instead 72. She definitely had us all fooled. She was dynamic, vibrant, energetic, and a hard worker until her final days.
I look up to the way she carried herself with such elegance..but more importantly..how her character shown through it all. She would be so proud to know that the internal beauty she instilled in me
super ceded that of the most beautiful woman in the world.
More admirable than turning heads in any room was the respect and admiration those surrounding my grandmother had for her.
Abuela helped shaped life of all all the women in our family- she showed us ‘La
importancia de ser Buena gente!’
It took a special type of person to keep up with
Abuela and there was no one better to take on this role than my
Abuelo.
He was as sweet as every
pastelito he craved..
Abuelo carried the world on his shoulders for his family and as most evident to me, for his granddaughters. He catered to the women in his family as if we were Queens of the universe, and almost, as if his life counted on it.
Anytime my sisters and i arrived at their house it seemed like there was a new bag of double stuffed
oreos and a glass of milk waiting for us. He went out of his way to make sure he bought us every single
disney movie, game system, and video game that seems to have ever existed. He would lavish us with trips and
paseos to wherever we would want to go. My mother would beg him to please not spoil us that much, but God bless him, he sure insisted.
Ive
always admired this beautiful man with the huge belly, the ones my sister called the
sexy beast… he put so much love and care into his work, his family and his home. He took pride in taking care of the things he built, his house never had chipped paint, his car never a dent, and not because of materialism, but because of the pride he took in the things he attained for himself and he instilled that in all of us.
As I grew older, I stopped spending every single weekend at their house but that
didn’t change a single thing. My grandparents let me evolve into the woman I am today. They set the standards by which I lived by and I would report to them on how life was going and they were always so proud.
My grandparents took such pride in me and my sisters,
las reinas the
los abuelas,
las princessas de la
casa, last
tres simberguenza, they treated us if we were the only people to have ever existed....that’s them, that’s the kind of effect they had on people.
....always catering always helping, always giving, always making time to make YOU feel special.
My grandparents are the only people I know that keep and maintain relationships with those that they meet. And this is all evident today, by witnessing all of you here paying your final
respects, by hearing the stories from Terry, Lucy and Marilyn this past week of the impact my grandparents had on their life...from hearing the
condolences sent from neighbors, past employees, friends from
Holguin, random people down the
street that have stopped by at my house that
ive never even met!
Most people make new friends, my
abuelos made new family members everywhere they went.
They wanted to give everyone the world and never expected anything in return. Christmas, birthdays and holidays and they always found a way to get
every single person a special nick
nack…whenever we’d give them anything they'd say ‘aye
mija no, no
te preocupes,
guarda tu dinero que yo no
necesito nada’
They say that people living deeply have no fear of death, and with that I am peaceful with their passing. They lived deeply, they lived wholeheartedly, they built lasting loving relationships, they danced, they ate, they traveled, they loved. And we loved them… and all their special mannerisms.
I loved the way
abuelo would yell ‘mi
cielo?
puchina!"
whenever dinner was ready and shed in turn respond with ‘ya
alfredo conyo ya
voy!!"..ill miss walking over to ‘
casa-
los-
abuelos’ and the smell of
bistec y
congri, and how everything my
abuelo made,
hed wait for you to take a bite and then ask you not
if it was good, but how good was it?…how my
abuela was on the eternal diet yet always made room for flan and
tres leches…how my
abuelo would sneak behind her back to eat red meat or sweets and how my mother and sisters and I always helped him out….how my
abuela would grab my arms and say '
de quien es
esta masita?!' when I was little id say '
esta masita es
de mi
abuela!" then as i got older id say '
estoy gorda?' and shed quickly respond with 'no!
estas perfeeeecta!'.
I have
millions of fond memories as a child but the ones that have struck a chord in me are the last couple of years as
ive grown older and more mature and can really be a testament to their love.
Whenever they came into town, I would go right up stairs to their bedroom,
abuelo would be watching
su novella and my
abuela would be playing solitaire. Id sit at the foot of their bed and
abuela would look at me and say ‘
bueno,
cuentame!’ and id tell her about work, about love, about
las fiestas, about life..she'd give me advice on every aspect, she always knew the words to say..
and shed look at me in a different way than when I was a little girl, with a look of pride and admiration and always remind, ‘
niki,
siempre seas
una mujer respetable’ .Above anything else, be respectful, not only to others, but to yourself….and I have been, I promise you that, I promise you its from yours and
abuelo's guidance that I truly have been and that i will
continue to be
…that I will live to be a role model for my sisters, to show them love and always be there for
them no matter way…to be a good daughter, respect and obey my parents, support them in any decision they make, always be a phone call away....to be a good employee, work diligently,
ethicly and with pride for my job no matter what it is..
..to be a good neighbor, whether to lend some sugar or a listening ear..to be an impact in the lives of all my family members, not only by virtue but by example...to be an
unconditional friend, there at their side no matter what the occasion..
theyve shown me what it is to be a parent that gives so selflessly of themselves for their children never expecting a single thing in return....theyve shown what it is to be a loving, faitful, supportive spouse who is as patient as they are loving....and lastly, to be a
grandparent...they were the
ultimate grandparents.
and I will continue to live in honor of them, because WE
owe it to them to
succeeed, to pick up the pieces and carry on. I know my
grandparents have been watching us mourn this past week and it hurts them, I know it hurts them..they did not like to see suffering... I feel them saying ‘
descanse mamita, no
te preocupes,
tranquila que estamos en
paz…
descanse,
descanse..'
One thing about them and that is that they did not succumb to anything and especially not to grief, they experienced the loss of their own child, my Uncle Freddy, one of the hardest things imaginable, and they carried on, knowing God was in control, God was taking care of them, God would lead them along, and along with God,
we've all gained two more angels..to show us the way,to light our paths..
So..I will not harbor any negative feelings about with this loss, no one can do that to me. Where there is evil, there is still
soo much good,
soo much love and so many memories. And
no one, no one can take that away from us …
as I struggled with my own feelings of anger and pain, I tried so hard to distract myself with the good memories and one of my fondest ones is of the parties they would have at their home and how we would all sing
guantanamera around the Piano (me on the maracas)…within that song there is a piece of a poem by Jose Marti that reminds us not to harbor anguish or hate for anything or anyone..
Cultivo una rosa blanca, en Junio como Enero para el amigo sincera que me da
su mano franco. Y para el cruel que me arranca, el Corazon con que vivo, cardo
ni ortiga cultivo, cultivo la rosa blanca.
(…I know
theyre happy I just read that because my
abuelos were die hard Cuban republicans, if you didn't figure it out after the 120232 emails they'd send about Obama being a
muslim and Bush being a Saint.)
I want to thank you all here, and those that
couldn’t make it, for the support and love and assistance you have shown my family during this tragic time. Its only my sisters, my parents, and I here now that we've lost the heart and soul of our family but with your help, we are healing our wounds and rallying up for
them. I know how special each and every single one of you were to them and how happy they are right now
…this is in fact a celebration of life WELL LIVED, of a 55 year marriage that we celebrate and will continue to celebrate for years and years to come. If there is one thing I know
theyd want me to say, it is
que no dejes que nada te robe tu paz. They are here with us, they live within, they will never ever be forgotten. And with this,
i'd like to end with a poem that sounds like its directly from
abuelo and
abuelas mouth, something they want all of us to know and remember for the rest of our lives..
Do not stand
at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds
that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight
on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the
morning's hush
I am the soft uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star that
shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there.
I did not die
May they Rest in Peace. Happy Anniversary, I love you.
#4: Fight it out then hug it out.
#5. "we're not here to judge you; we're here to listen to you, and judge you after"
( this quote doesn't only apply to 'things that should be read at weddings')
