40 years from now...

I can look back at my life and say that...

I once chopped off all my hair and dyed it platinum blonde, just for kicks.

I learned how to fly a plane.

I had front row seats on Bastille Day and heard "La Valse D'Amelie" playing in the background.

Okay, so I was bored (my job doesnt start till october 15th, shoot me.) and looked up different blog ideas and this one blog is about a guy who just names random things he's done in his lifetime that surprise him.

Its a nice lil self-experiment, to look back at all those things you've done and wonder if a.) would I ever do that again? or b.) when can I do that again?

Most of them, for me at least, fall under category B.

Happy Friday Everyone!

"Have a good weekend, make good choices!"
- Ms. Kumen, 8th Grade Bible Class Teacher

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Nirvana

No matter what's happening in the world, I know that with these certain ingredients, I can obtain a momentary state of Nirvana.

Ingredients:

1 tea spoon of evening

10 cups of good weather (windy, non humid)

1 convertible car ( top down, chromes' spinnin')
3 handfuls of the different roads that make up the drive from Brickell, through the Grove, down

Sunet and all the way to US1

1 ipod car adapter

1 ipod

4 songs

1/4 Pink Floyd- Breathe

1/4 The Shins- Sleeping Lessons
1/4 Imogen Heap- Hide and Seek

1/4 Radiohead- Nude

1 care-free mind

Mix those all together and.....tada! Nirvana. Peaceful bliss. A state of feeling that nothing in the world can be so bad when you have moments like this.

Since I was the tender age of 7, I always begged my parents to drive down the winding, mazy roads of the Grove instead of taking the Palmetto or US1. Even when I'm late as hell, I will always go out of my way to take the scenic route. Ask my friends, they've been witnesses many-a-times. I just absolutely love beautiful things and being surrounded by them at all times, hence my never-ending love for Paris and its many hidden lil streets.

I did that drive last night and then I came home and watched Jon and Kate plus 8 which reiterated the fact that life is so good. Is that wrong? That a good life is one that is compared to Kate Gosselins? Poor girl, I feel worse for her than for Jen Anniston. Okay, that might be borderline mean but its true. I hope they find love and happiness and shut all these tabloids up once and for all.

On a side note, in 2 days, my noble nobbe is becoming a noble new yorker!! I'm sad, for selfish reasons of missing her, but more than happy for her. Its like an episode of Trading Places and I know she'll absolutely love it and stay there happily ever after. Its a magical town, a cold town, but a magical one none-the-less and one that only a lil nobbe can make the best of.

Tonight, my friends and I are giving her a Bon Voyage party, vulture style. This may be the last time all 5 of us are living in the same city, but oh what a great run it has been.

Best of luck to my Noblest!!
"May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light,

May good luck pursue you each morning and night"

- Irish Blessing

How and Why I Feel Old.

I know I'm a measly 24 years old but going back to a college town after a 2 year hiatus will really make you realize just how far you've come and how much energy you've lost.

Granted, Ive always been on the 'boring' side compared to the Average College Kid aka ACK but let me go ahead and put it all into perspective:

1. We went to Midtown to go to 101 Cantina, the newest 'hot spot' in town, the line was too long so we left and went to a quaint lil obscure bar instead.

The ACK woulda scooted themselves to the front, knocked some people down on their way, and done whatever it took to get in, or sneak in.

2. I walked a mile and a half in heels and didn't quit complaining for a single minute.

The ACK would have either taken off their shoes, hitchhiked, or been too drunk to notice the pain in their feet.

3. We walked into a house straight out of Old School with the oh-so-typical moose hanging off the wall and girls underwear used as antler decorations. I sat on the cleanest couch, warned people not to sit on the bean bag, and then counted down the minutes till we were out of there and I could take a shower in Purell.

the ACK would think this house is really 'sweet', sit on anything, pee on anything, and probably pass out on the floor in the bathroom.

4. It was 4am and I wondered what on earth I was doing out at that time.

4am is standard time for the ACK to order Gumby's and then move on to the next after party.

5. Tail-gating consisted of diet coke and water because i didn't 'want to get dehydrated standing all day in the hot sun'. geez.

The ACK uses the diet coke to mix into their rum and the water bottle to sneak vodka into the stadium.

6. Went to the game for a total of 15 minutes because it was 'too hot' to stand in the sun.

the ACK doesn't feel heat because he's too busy starting a wave, cursing at the other team's fans, or getting escorted out of the game for starting a fight.

7. Didn't go out Saturday night and stayed in to watch Transformers 2 because we were too tired after the game and fell asleep at 12am.

the ACK fell asleep at 12am too, except they passed out on the front lawn of a house party they were celebrating the big win at.

Gong Li

I'm road trippin' to Gaynesville today to see the Gaytor game.

Yes, I'm their biggest fan. NOT.

However, it should be fun. I haven't been back to a college town even since I graduated from good ol' FSU. It should be nice to see what the degenerates are up to these days, you know, reminisce a bit. So forth, So on.

I can see it now though, Monday's blog subject will definitely be about how and why I feel old (thank you young, skinny, tan college girls for the rude awakening).

Lastly though, let me leave you with a little present. For some inhumane reason, my Playlist has been acting up these past couple of days. Its driving me clinically insane because I genuinely select a song specifically for a post. To me, it just doesn't feel the same when I read it but I know others (DIANA PUENTE), don't really care.

I introduce to you..............Gong Li, an obscure and underrated Red Hot Chili Pepper's song that has the rhythm and melody capable of changing a life or momentarily, your mood.

Disclaimer: You must site me when you introduce this song to others. I take full credit.

A New Era

Good Bye Non-profit world, Hello Corporate America.

Gone are the days of my shallow commentary being followed by "its okay because I work for the American Cancer Society". That was my redemption; my scape goat. I could do no wrong in this world as long as I could back it up with my charity-girl status.

After a two and a half year career of 'saving lives', I am entering the for-profit world, Corporate America, the Rat Race. This means I must now actually go out of my way to do good things on the side so I can sleep well at night and retain my golden ticket I once so nicely preserved. After
all, it would be a shame if I had to go through my past posts and profile and delete all 't'is better to serve' quotes.

This is good, though. I must now prove to myself that not only do I talk the talk, but also walk the walk. I am committing, both privately and publicly, to do volunteer work for at least 10 hours a month. And WHEN I'm a fajillionaire, I will use my money to do good and help those causes I am deeply committed too such as caring for our elderly. The ones that are 'left behind' due to either economic status or even their own off-spring just not having the time.

Do you know that the elderly have the highest depression rate out of any other age group? I mean, you spend all your life living contently and taking care of others and right when you are nearing the finish line, you become sad and depressed. Shouldn't these be the happiest times; times of memories and recollection of those moments that made your life worth living?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/):

Older Americans are disproportionately likely to die by suicide.
-Although they comprise only 12 percent of the U.S. population, people age 65 and older accounted for 16 percent of suicide deaths in 2004.
-14.3 of every 100,000 people age 65 and older died by suicide in 2004, higher than the rate of about 11 per 100,000 in the general population.
-Non-Hispanic white men age 85 and older were most likely to die by suicide. They had a rate of 49.8 suicide deaths per 100,000 persons in that age group.

What Role Does Depression Play? -The risk of depression in the elderly increases with other illnesses and when ability to function becomes limited. Estimates of major depression in older people living in the community range from less than 1 percent to about 5 percent, but rises to 13.5 percent in those who require home healthcare and to 11.5 percent in elderly hospital patients.
-An estimated 5 million have subsyndromal depression, symptoms that fall short of meeting the full diagnostic criteria for a disorder.
-Subsyndromal depression is especially common among older persons and is associated with an increased risk of developing major depression.

Isn't Depression Just Part of Aging? Depressive disorder is not a normal part of aging. Emotional experiences of sadness, grief, response to loss, and temporary “blue” moods are normal. Persistent depression that interferes significantly with ability to function is not.

Two years ago, in a young women's mentorship program I participated in, we were assigned a project consisting of writing our own obitiuaries. It really got me thinking about the issues I cared for and the legacy I wanted to leave behind. I came up with "Friends of the Eldery", a non-profit organization dedicated to assisting the elderly who otherwise would not have anyone to care for them. The organization would have a heavy focus on Nursing Home and Home care advocacy, Volunteer programs, Mental health, and medical rights. To this day, I still outline and plan this all in my head and one day when I am ready, I will undertake this project. It will start off locally and then develop into a national organization.

Below is a pic of my Mama Claire and Papa Bob. They lived a happy life full of love and family and made each other content by just sitting around watching Wrestle Mania and the Home Shopping Network together.Unfortunately, Mama died before Papa so he went through the sadness and heartache any man would feel after losing his life-long love. I wish were around more in Kentucky to help heal his heartache and cheer him up but I was too far and too young.

However, I am dedicated to making sure there are more volunteer and advocacy programs around in the future to help ease the the transitions we will all face one day. You wait and see.

Eat, Pray, Love

Leave it to the season premier of 'Gossip Girl' to be that magical thing that inspired me to write again.

No, it wasn't Serena's new found celebrity or Chucks deliciously-devilish charm, but a simple mention of "Eat, Pray, Love", a book that apparently went as far as to even inspire Serena Vanderwoodsen to visit India and take a vow of silence (okay, fine, maybe she lied about that but still, it was worth putting in the show.)

"Eat, Pray, Love" is the type of book I love so much I force it down people's throats. In fact, I like it so much that it gave me anxiety when Chantel started reading it because I wanted so much for her to be obsessed with it too that I would secretly find any way to mention it without sounding too overzealous just to see how far along she was. Unfortunately, this book didn't hit the spot for Chant like it did for me. After one final attempt of reading my favorite passage to her out loud on the balcony I realized, hey, that's fine, maybe that makes this that much more special to me, maybe its MY book written for ME. (and the millions of other women who feel the same but whatever).

I kinda set off on my own version of an "Eat, Pray, Love" Journey except I did it backwards. I first moved to New York, where Elizabeth Gilbert (the author) begins her journey of escaping the entrapment of love she feels has overcome her life and has made her lose sight of all that is truly valuable in her short-lived chance here on Earth. Granted, after my 5 month stint I moved back and, well, now I want to move again and keep on looking (for what? not sure, but something)

Is that normal? No. But tell me something that's normal and I can be damn sure that Ill definitely vote against it and consider it boring. My friends are also a little worried and tired of hearing of my self-reinventions but God love 'em cause they stick with me anyway. I want to live a life worth writing about and I did for awhile. However, moving back to Miami, its very difficult to go from the experiences of walking down Lexington Ave, Fifth Ave, and 42nd Street to getting inspired by my experiences of driving down Kendall Drive, Bird Road, and US1. Sorry Miami, much love to ya anyways.

I don't know why I cant stay put in this city I just feel like there's a glass ceiling for all of us Miamians (do not get offended, or do, but don't complain to me about it.) There's just no charm, mystery, or elegance here that can keep me satisfied or inspired for a long period of time. Yes, we do have the best boat days, weather, and 'Green Street' that other cities cant compete with, but that doesn't do it for me. I want more, and although I don't know where it is I will go to find it, I rest assured knowing it will happen.

In the meantime, if I cant force feed an entire book down every one's throat, PLEASE, read these awe-inspiring quotes that Ive marked as my favorite. Maybe, just maybe, it'll entice you to take a quick drive to your local book shop and have that 'life changing experience' all us going through a quarter-life crisis are looking for. And by the way, that quote right under "Prime 24" that says "This place where you are right now God circled on a map for you" is from this book, inspired yet? Fine, hold on..

Quotes from "Eat, Pray, Love: One Women's Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia."

"Look for God. Look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water."

"Still, despite all this, traveling is the great true love of my life. I have always felt, ever since I was sixteen years old and first went to Russia with my saved-up babysitting money, that to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal and constant in my other loves. I feel about travel the way a happy new mother feels about her impossible, colicky, restless, newborn baby--I just don't care what it puts me through. Because I adore it. Because it's mine. Because it looks exactly like me. It can barf all over me if it wants to--I just don't care."

"But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to...nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favorite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?"

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."

"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something. "

"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life."

"There are only two questions that human beings have ever fought over, all through history. How much do you love me? and Who's in charge? Everything else is somehow manageable. But these two questions of love and control undo us all, trip us up and cause war, grief and suffering."

"eventually, everything goes away."

"Until I can feel as ecstatic about having a baby as I felt about going to New Zealand to search for giant squid, I cannot have a baby."

"There’s a crack (or cracks) in everyone…that’s how the light of God gets in."

"Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy."

"You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions."

"I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on the water."

"There's no trouble in this world so serious that it can't be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer."

"You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight."

"I have good idea, for if you meet some person from different religion and he want to make argument about God. My idea is, you listen to everything this man say about God. Never argue about God with him. Best thing to say is, 'I agree with you.' Then you go home, pray what you want. This is my idea for people to have peace about religion."

"When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and its time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you dont even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.

"I thought about one of my favorite Sufi poems, which says that God long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot where you are standing right now. I was never not coming here. This was never not going to happen."

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. "

"...God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies..."

"According to the mystics, this search for divine bliss is the entire purpose of a human life. this is why we all chose to be born, and this is why all the suffering and pain of life on earth is worthwhile--just for the chance to experience this infinite love. And once you have found this divinity within, can you hold it? Because if you can...bliss."

"So tonight I reach for my journal again. This is the first time I’ve done this since I came to Italy. What I write in my journal is that I am weak and full of fear. I explain that Depression and Loneliness have shown up, and I’m scared they will never leave. I say that I don’t want to take the drugs anymore, but I’m frightened I will have to. I am terrified that I will never really pull my life together. In response, somewhere from within me, rises a now-familiar presence, offering me all the certainties I have always wished another person would say to me when I was troubled.

This is what I find myself writing on the page: I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and Braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

Tonight, this strange interior gesture of friendship—the lending of a hand from me to myself when nobody else is around to offer solace—reminds me of something that happened to me once in New York City. I walked into an office building one afternoon in a hurry, dashed into the waiting elevator. As I rushed in, I caught an unexpected glance of myself in a security mirror’s reflection. In that moment, my brain did an odd thing—it fired off this split-second message: “Hey! You know her! That’s a friend of yours!” And I actually ran forward toward my own reflection with a smile, ready to welcome that girl whose name I had lost but whose face was so familiar. In a flash instant of course, I realized my mistake and laughed in embarrassment at my almost doglike confusion over how a mirror works. But for some reason that incident comes to mind again tonight during my sadness in Rome, and I find myself writing this comforting reminder at the bottom of the page.

Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a FRIEND… I fell asleep holding my notebook pressed against my chest, open to this most recent assurance. In the morning when I wake up, I can still smell a faint trace of depression’s lingering smoke, but he himself is nowhere to be seen. Somewhere during the night, he got up and left. And his buddy loneliness beat it, too."

"In a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted. Only artistic excellence is incorruptible.

"Someone has to write all those stories: why not me?"