today i am 34 and it is April 4, 2019. Below i am writing on March 17, 2015. just going to publish this typo-infested manifesto.
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3/17/2015
well, well, well...... look what the cat dragged in. There is something about turning 30 in 3 days that makes me feel a need to reconnect with my old pal, Prime 24. What a silly girl I was, to think that 24 was the prime of my life. Everything in hindsight is 20/20. Why did I throw my life a mini funeral at the tender age of 24? Did I think it was all downhill after that? Oh darling, it's only gotten better...
Dear Nicole,
I have so many conflicting opinions as to how I should guide you. A part of me says, stop what you are doing, listen to me right now, and save yourself a lot of hardship. Another part says, go ahead, keep going, yea, that's a great idea, buahaha. But an ever bigger par of me would say, come on girl, live a little. Make bigger and better mistakes. Take more risks, get yourself in trouble, and then find a genius way to get out of it.
I cant tell if you have lived properly because I think its been rather easy and I would wish more difficulty for you. Only because of all the few things I know now, I know this to be most true: adversity breeds success and character. When you think back to the few hardships, you realize that each moment engraved in you a skill that could only be attributed to such a thing. You now know that when something (or someone) seems too good be to true, that's exactly it. You got that one loud and clear and you can thank me later for it. But you would also perhaps be a bit more willing to take risks and jumps.
You will soon realize that all those brilliantly awakrd moments you had to endure while working for a nonprofit organization are what will separate you when your older. There is no better practice in life than having to make magic happen with no tools other than your words (and actions). More public speaking, more random events that you have to go to by yourlsef, and you will eventually come out a hero. As sucky as it may have been, every uncomfortable situation got you to a point where this is nothing uncomfortable. And THAT is the ultimate differentiator for a young women. The ability to put yourself in uncomfortable sitautions, that no one else wants to be in, is what will allow you to take risks and challenges that no one else would want to do simply because they did not have the training. I know you question how a girl with such an obsession with "International Business" ended up at Non profit organization and is trying to raise money instead of negotiate deals but don't you worry.
You will reazlie that you spent so much time wondering what you were ging to do instead of wondering who you were going to be. Just now, at the sunrise of 30, I've realized that what you do and who you are are not the same. Simple concept but not. What you do crafts who you are but you have to spend a significant amount of time questioning your existence. Help more, do more, give more, be more for someone. I still cant tell if its fear or laziness or complete ADD but there is still a deep yearning for more understanding of myself as a person.
I wonder why I don't want what most people want and I wonder if I should feel bad about it. That is my only advice, learn earlier about these childish concerns so they don't drag you, and innocent bystanders, into it.
Read more, speak more. You spend so much time in isolation, and although I still love a pure day of silence, I wish I had the wanting to connect more.
1. Go to toastmasters. There is nothing better than a great public speaker. The ability to communicate is a skill and a gift many can take for granted. Practice communication with small groups, one persons, and large groups. Express yourself freely but with intention.
2. Decide. Just make a decision, regardless of the potential outcomes, decide. Indecision will cause an unnecessary amount of anxiety. You feel best when you have decided what you want as opposed to wondering what you want.
3. Write more. There is no greater enjoyment than reading thoughts from your past. There is a strange sense of security I feel when I read thoughts and still connect to those feelings, although at a different level and with more expereinve as a guide to understand them. Writing down your thoughts is the only way to fully remember experiences./
4. Be your bestfriend. Talk to yourself, dance, laugh, watch stand up comedy on youtube and have extreme belly giggles. The ability to be by yourself will be one that defines many moments in your future. People consufse being a lone and being by yourself. Be besides yourself as a friend. Console, be patient with, love, and appreciate the capacity to think and feel and have internal discussions. Few people have this ability and it is what will keep you sane from moments in which you would rather be with someone bad than be alone.
5. Sacrifice. Doing things that others don't want to do will get you things that others cannot get. And by things I mean moments and experience. Working all day long can suck, but the ability to buy yourself a dream vacaction or amazing dinner is worth it iall. Sacrifice in the gym, at home, for loved one and for work.
6. Work, bitch. work harder and more. Work is good for the soul and don't let others tell you different. Work gives you self worth and if you use work in a way that's beneficial, you can rbing a lot of good and joy to others. Work saves women around the world from bad relationships, abuse, poverty. Work is to be cherished and appreciated. It gives you your independence which is nothing that can be ever taken for granted.
7. Sleep. or at least try to sleep. this is something you cannot do, but try to figure it out sooner than later.
