The Life Unfortunately Unaquatic with Nicole Cunningham.

Someone call the WaaWaa patrol, I think I'm suffering from a mild case of chronic dissatisfaction.

This term, popularized by genius Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona wasn't even a household term until the movie came out. If you 'google' it a very large percentage of things that pop up are related to the movie.

Why the sudden fuss, or rather, onset of chronic dissatisfaction? Well I think its because we have so much more access to the lives of others, to blogs, to websites, to pictures, to movies, to more books...we are exposed to so many outside influences that how is it possible to not have a tiny sense of chronic dissatisfaction and think that maybe we are missing out on something that others seem to be getting a hold of?

I mean I am beyond grateful and happy for everything i have and have done in my life but i cant help to want more. Not more in the same sense as "the dumb bratty 7 year old wants more ice cream"...just more in the sense of 'more'...(italics for emphasis.)

Ive been like this all my life. Heck i even changed schools in the middle of high school because i wanted some new surroundings. my friends, family, and even I still to this day question this bizarre gesture.

i love how I'm writing all this after Monday night i posted how i was finally settled and complacent in my set surroundings blablaba. but I guess that's exactly why i woke up with a little twitch..

Of course, it doesn't help to have a supportive mom who offered me to live at home for 3 months, save money, then move to Paris to write my "screenplay." (I'm convinced she live vicariously through me, bless her heart) ..But my corporate instilled mind keeps me a bit grounded (fortunately/unfortunately).

I think all this nonsense is just stemming from a trauma i experienced this Sunday.....I really should have never started watching Disney's Oceans.

THEN i wouldn't help but watch and wonder how amazing the lives of the filmmakers must be...how I'm green with jealously over the fact that I'm not swimming with blue whales or filming a baby sea turtles first steps toward the ocean..how ill probably never travel to those places (anyone wanna take a quick trip to the Arctic soon?) or see those animals because I'm not in that field of work that would provide such settings and accommodations and how life probably will never be complete until i come face to face with an Asian Sheepshead Wrasse.

Iknow, i know, the grass only seems greener on the other side...but I'd just like to experience and make sure of that for myself. i want a little piece of every experience, good or bad just so i could say 'been there done that'.

I just really am convinced its greener for people in the Film-Writing/Art industry...constantly surrounded by beauty and creativity.

I don't want this blog to completely seem like I'm whining and complaining.. In fact even when I say chronic dissatisfaction I don't mean it in the sense of the word having such a negative connotation...The concept of dissatisfaction is just the state of not presently being 100% satisfied with your surroundings/situations....I'm 95% satisfied...but i know ill always (cue the use of the harsh term "chronic") still want more. Which is good, in its own bizarre way, mostly because my definition of satisfied means "comfortable" and to me, comfortable is just another word for complacent..complacent just another word for boring.

Therefore, dissatisfaction simply just encourages the improvement of one's present situation. Whether one needs a full life makeover or just a little splash of paint on the walls is totally up to the individual. I think I'd just like to incorporate more art into my corporate life...its time to brainstorm.

I guess I'm just the kind of person that likes the concept of searching rather than finding...

happiness, after all, is a journey, not a destination and I'm enjoying every step of the way.


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One of my favorite narative clips from Vicky Cristina Barcelona:

Narrator: Cristina, who spent the last six months writing, directing, and acting in a 12-minute film which she then hated, had just broken up with yet another boyfriend and longed for a change of scenery. Everything fell into place when a distant relative of Vicky's family who lived in Barcelona offered to put both girls up for July and August. The two best friends had been close since college and shared the same tastes and opinions on most matters, yet when it came to the subject of love, it would be hard to find two more dissimilar viewpoints. Vicky had no tolerance for pain and no lust for combat. She was grounded and realistic. Her requirements in a man were seriousness and stability. She had become engaged to Doug because he was decent and successful and understood the beauty of commitment.

Cristina, on the other hand, expected something very different out of love. She had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion, and was resigned to putting her feelings at risk. If you asked her what it was she was gambling her emotions on to win, she would not have been able to say. She knew what she didn't want, however, and that was exactly what Vicky valued above all else.

Unlike Fine Wine.

So in between waiting for my hair to semi-dry before I can begin to blow dry and reading my latest teenage fiction novel, I started surfing through the website that inspires me on a daily basis:

http://theseviolentdelights.tumblr.com

in particular, page 249.

Why such a random page? Oh because im a freak of nature and like to torture/entertain myself by guessing a number (1-450) and then i go to that page number of the blog. Then I scroll with my eyes closed and abruptly stop at any point of the page. The quote/picture/song/whatever i stop on is supposed to be relevant to whatever thought i'm thinking... (or whoever im thinking about) (yes, i know, insert green face emoticon because im so cheesy)

Little elementary girls do this form of self-torture with a thing called MASH..me, a 26 year old 'adult' does this with a random teenager's blog i happened to stumble upon one day.

Any who, on this page 249, i stopped on "Today is My Blogs Birthday" picture....out of some innate (dont know if im using that word right but i hope it somehow works cause it sounds legit)....yes, out of some innate curiosity i went back to my poor lil abandoned PRIME 24 blog to see when its birthday was and its today! April 25th! Its Second birthday! Happy Birfday Blog!

Unlike wine, however, this is NOT in fact getting better with time. in fact its getting worse..way worse. Theres nothing i love more in life than self improvement so I would think the one thing i LOVE to do and that fills my heart with joy, which is to WRITE, would be progressing but it is just dwindling away into a deep abyss of nothingness.

I can totally see why thought. I mean reading my first blog post ever ...it just had so much life, vibrancy, change, excitement...i quit my job and I was randomly moving to new york... i could of written for days!! but, as with most things...life just finds its way of settling back into its boring daily routine.

I now am fully waist deep into my career; Im with a company I dont picture myself ever leaving..well at least definitely not in the near future, so no new exciting career changes in the horizon to tell about.....im just going to have to make a truck load of money to sponsor my travels into the "GREAT PERHAPS" (im already referencing "Looking For Alaska"...clearly "ficititious teenage" characters can be very enlightening) and write about that.

I also have no plans/intentions of moving out of miami. Why? Because I am pretty much sure there is no better place in the world to live in than miami. Boating in March, Polo on South Beach, Green Street Brunch in January...I could go on but apparently i have some friends in the Mid West that read this and I cant make them jealous. Point is, no exciting stories about moving to new exotic lands/cities/suburbs.

So with no career changes, no geographic changes....its just getting tough to write. (I know what youre thinking, but no, i will not write about my love life.) (then id have to charge.)

I am just going to make it an effort to see beauty, entertainment in the everyday hustle and bustle of life. there are, in fact, alot of things that go on on a daily basis worth noting...i just havent taken the time note them. but i want to, i really want to. I feel myself forgetting the thoughts i had in highschool and i hate it because they were so funny/peculiar that i would love to revisit a filing cabinet full of them. My thoughts toward life, love, work..they all now seem like a foreign country to me. its amazing how our thought process can evolve so drastically....or stay the same.

After so much outside influence and experience its interesting to see the way youre own life is molded by small lil choices and decisions you make that often go unnoticed.

As Julian Casablanca says "Ten decisions shape your life, you'll be aware of five about."

I can think of a few interesting people I would of not met had I not been at a certain place at a certain time, had I not gone to a certain school because my mom met someone 10 years ago that insisted i go to that elementary school, so forth so on.

i can link back my own job and the tiny little decisions it took to get there:

I randomly decided to go to FSU instead of UM---> got involved with the FSU Study Abroad Program in Italy--> influenced me to want to go to Paris when I graduated --> because I couldn't start work right away because i would be traveling I enrolled at a Temp Agency--> 3 years later when I called the same temp agency because i moved back to Miami, they got me in touch with a head hunter that hired me within a week for the job I am at right now.

Could that have happened had I not gone to Paris that one summer? Maybe. But i really dont think it would have. I probably would have started working right away and either stayed at the same company or found another job through a work contact that would be totally different than where I am now. Not necessarily saying itd be better or worse but all i know is that im thankful for where I am right now and wouldnt want to have it any other way.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call the Fork, or Forks, in the Road of Life. Make note of the small little decisions that led to where you are right now. One minor change and it all could of been so different. I hope everyone is happy where they are, if not, tomorrow is full of other choices that can lead to better paths.

alright im done being a sorry excuse for a motivational speaker, my hair has dried without being blow dried and im too tired to read now....but, i must say, this is still a mission accomplished.

until next time.......goodnight!

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