"well, you are interesting too... in a lost way"
- Midnight in Paris
Dear Woody,
Seriously, aren't you 76 years old?
How are you so on point when it comes to expressing human emotion so well? What ever happened to the adage of old men going senile?
Ive had enough with your enticing brilliance and soul wrenching movies that so perfectly, almost in a creepy manner, express the inner workings of so many people like myself; the hopeless wanderlust. I just cant watch anymore of your damn films without being obnoxiously inspired. Obnoxious in the sense that I'm a goldfish in a glass bowl, not even one of those lame salt water aquarium type of fish. I wont (or better yet, 'momentarily don't fathom') actually doing these things you write of but i wish to so dearly.
I just saw Midnight in Paris. I mean, are we the same person? Its far too bizarre to think there is some over aged man out there that can get into the mind of a 26 year old and relive her Parisian experiences and helplessness of being in relationships (all types: friends family and lovers) that don't understand me and my 'lusts for life'. You send me to a place i don't like to go to because it hurts my brain. Ive been thinking all my life and id like to one day relax, but its merely impossible.
"MOM! I'm THINKING!" I'd yell whenever she tried to disturb me...shed respond with " Uh no you're not, you're just sitting there." but i was thinking and to me, that's action enough. I dont need to be moving or doing anything to actually be doing things. my mind is my best friend, thats why i like to be alone in thought, because i am so highly entertained.
i often lie to people and say someones calling me on me the other line, that i have to do something, that im watching a movie, just so i can sit in silence and wander off. its the most precious gift i own, this WILD imagination of mine. That's why when people needed a ride home from FSU to Miami no one ever bothered to ask if they could ride with me, the answer was NO, thats when i like to think.
My friends used to try to come jogging me with me, NO!! that's when i like to think. They try to call me after work as i drive home, NO!!! its thinking and music time. my life revolves around when ill have time to think.
and then you go and write a movie about a character who revolves his life around where he thinks better and is more creative, and in PARIS of all places?!
The average person thinks 5000 thoughts a day......i think i think 5 million. But it hurts..and i really have tried to stop. Ive tried to distract myself with books and friends and going out and hanging around others to get this weight lifted off my brain. im tired of thinking. the other day i started crying and said "God, shut my mind off...i cant anymore.. id like to rest."
Because when i think, i dwell, and i yearn for my ideas to come to life. and they dont. my movies, commercials, novels, characters, business ideas...they just are growing tumors that wont ever be removed and will have to evaporate because i don't have the time or resources to bring them to life....(for now at least)
then....i go and see Midnight in Paris. Owen Wilson's character Gil likes to take walks at night to think, it helps him become more creative, he drifts off into his imagination and meets Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald, Dali, Picasso, Hemingway to name a few....a quote is mentioned that goes something like this (i cant find it for the life of me, please help) "To know that Paris exists and that not everyone would want to live here is beyond me."
I read that about your deep regret of not staying in Paris after the shooting of Whats New Pussycat? which is where your character Gil stems from. Although i never shot a movie, and was only in Paris for a nerdy study abroad program fully sponsored by my parents, i understand your feelings because some of the people on my program actually remained in Paris. Despite crying myself to sleep every night the last week there and my parents telling me "you better get your ass on that plane"..i wish i would have stayed, at least for a bit.
I also read that you said, “It was an adventure that was too bold for me at the time. In retrospect I could have stayed, or at the very minimum taken an apartment and divided my time—but I didn’t, and I regret that."
How over 40 years later, you can relive those moments in a movie so well is simply inspiring. I guess passions don't fade, so whatever i want to do now, if i really want to to do it, ill still be able to, somewhere down the road.
So, in essence, Mr. Allen, instead of a written complaint, this blog is a love letter to you; i love that you exist...
that you capture the essence of the free/tormented soul and speak their mind so eloquently. Heck, i cant even express myself but you do it so gracefully. i dont know how, you old man, ya big ol' creep, but you are perfect...and your killing me, in the most formidable way possible.
you coined the phrase " a tolerance for pain and lust for combat" and let me know that there are other emotional masochists who thrive on combat and sheer torture for the sake of creativity and excitement. thats sad/enlightening.
"only unfulfilled love can be romantic."
"She had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion, and was resigned to putting her feelings at risk. If you asked her what it was she was gambling her emotions on to win, she would not have been able to say. She knew what she didn't want, however"
i can go on with so many more that youve written....
Well, my dear old friend ill never meet, thank you for what you have done and hopefully what you continue to do, you inspire me artistically and let me know that constraints and regrets are just a part of life, even the greats have gone through it. its all about not succombing and getting past the hurdles that count, however old you may be.
Forever yours,
Nicole K. Cunningham
Footnote:
Im reading a book "God Never Blinks: 50 Life Lessons" (what can i say, I'm a sucker for inspiration) and one lesson is "If you wish to be a writer, write.
just write. don't dwell on grammar, punctuation, present tense/past tense, just write. so that's what i just did, and it feels good. so often i don't post my blogs because i don't think they are aesthetically pleasing in the literal sense. but i have to stop that nonsense and just write my nonsense.
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