Vince Vaughn couldn't have said it better himself in that infamous opening scene of wedding crashers,
"I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested?"
Exactly. I feel the same way. In fact, earlier I was speaking with one of my guy friends about the whole dating scene and as we were exchanging tidbits of information and advice, i realized that every question he asked, i probably gave the opposite response of what your 'standard girl' would say:
"Do girls like when guys leave voicemail?"
"Ofcourse, yes, that way i can hear exactly what they want and coach myself into calling them back without having to directly answer and be thrown into the lions den or maybe i can even just text back"
"Should I pick her up or meet there?"
"No way, id never let anyone pick me up. the awkward car ride, what if u you want to leave but you cant because you came in his car? id rather meet at the place"
"should i take her to lunch or dinner"
"Neither. Group dates or movies only."
I mean, granted I'm a little extreme but who enjoys these situations?! Even if I'm really into you, id rather swim in the Gulf than go to lunch or dinner. Anything face to face is absolutely terrifying to me because im caught in a middle schooler's mentality apparently. Why cant we all just have big group dates? I genuinely don't mind if you say, "Meet me at this place I'm going with a bunch of friends." In fact, i think that's ideal. No pressure, you have a network of support from the friends, you can leave whenever you want, gallons of people around you so enough distraction in case your not into the conversation. Right? Right.
About 3 weeks ago I did the ultimate 'forward' move (this guy doesn't have facebook nor does he know i write a blog and unless he googles me, i think im safe writing this story). I went to Houstons with some co-workers and after a good 30 minutes of giving the 'i like you but no way in hell will i go up to you' look, i had my friends walk up to him and give him my business card as soon as I left. Yep. I did that. It was my first 'approach' and i was nervous for days. Well, Mr. Cool Guy took a good lengthy time to get back to me but when he did, he pulled the 'meet me here' which I thought was pompous and arrogant even though secretly, that's my cup of tea. Now, all of a sudden, Mr. Cool Guy has invited me to lunch tomorrow and its taking every bone in my body to say yes.
I can already feel the physical pains of nerves and anxiety. Im dreading my morning which will be totally ruined having to deal with the stress of lunch and depending on the how the lunch goes, my afternoon will be spent dealing with post-frst date adrenaline. Now I'm contemplating where to go, in a perfect world wed go to Houstons where you can sit at the bar and its not face-to-face. But doubt i can get away with that. See?!? See how uncomfortable this all is?!
I think when im older ill be more normal but for now, no dates, thanks. Ive got enough awkwardness to deal with during client meetings, networking events, public speeches, etc. Every guy ive ever dated can be a first witness account to just how odd i am during our first date, how much my hands shake, how much i look around while talking, and all the other weird quirks i do.
Im tired of having to say "Hey! Nice to see you again, wow i just drank a double-shot espresso so my hands are super shakey!" ..............even though ive never tried a double-shot espresso in my life :/
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