Inaction in Motion.

Its not that I have nothing to say, its that I don’t ever know how to put my words into a fluent sentence. I just have a conglomerate of thoughts that I'm almost positive make no sense to anyone..except for my 5 friends. God bless my friends.

Ive become addicted to running…I like how I call this running even though its not. Its "run 5%/power walk 75%/casually stroll and ponder life's meaning 20%"

I love it so much not necessarily for the exercise but because my mind goes free when I walk outside, listen to music and am by myself. Those ingredients to me are a recipe for mental euphoria.

Except that I ALWAYS think someone is going to push me over the edge of the bay into the water. I really need to speak to a licensed therapist about this. This thought pops into my head at least 3 times every single time. Not that they will necessarily do it in purpose but maybe by mistake? And you know what?! There is no ladder anywhere in sight. The only thing protecting me from falling into this black abyss is a measily linked chain. So I've mapped out my escape route, not that id last a second in that polluted bay in the dark but I will swim to the left area where there is ALWAYS a couple sitting on a bench crying. Then ill cry for help and they’ll save me. There that’s it.


Another thing about my ‘walk’ is that I realized I'm a creep that likes to eavesdrop on conversations. Every time I walk by a group of two or more people walking, like clockwork, I turn off my ipod sneakily and just listen in. I just love to hear what people say. Always. That's why I would never mind being anywhere alone cause id have a better opportunity for people watching and listening. Truly though, people are awesome. So awesome. Everyone.

But yes, I think everyone needs to take that the time to walk,run, stroll, skip, whatever. If I didn’t have that moment to myself every hour of the day I think id lose my mind. Endorphins are highly necessary to function and so is clearing your mind. Exercise stimulates the brain cells more than anything (source: Brain Rules) (as if thats breaking news but whatever)


I keep attempting to start CrossFit but its so harsh the whole having to start on Monday and doing Crossfit 101 the entire week. I have one or two free days every week and way too many hobbies at that.

On Saturday I'm taking my 12th tennis lesson with Maximo. The way he described my tennis playing was very philosophical, he said I never go after the ball if its too far out of reach but I'm REALLY good when it comes right to me and hit it dead on with intense vigor.

Go figure, lazy ass.

After hearing two graduation speeches this past Wednesday, it only reassured to me what im not doing. Im really not seizing opportunity, but strolling along the way. "Nothing worth having comes easily"…..but it has. So im complacent.

I've breezed through school doing the bare minimum and getting B's so i assume i can breeze through everything else. I always told my parents whatever job I ever had in life wouldn’t come to me because of my grades but because of 'luck', being at the right place at the right moment, positively thinking things into existence.

Everything I think of or imagine happens, in some way or another. Ive been reading The Secret for the past 3 years as if its the first time i pick up the book. But is that really enough? Or am I just not thinking of things above and beyond because i dont think it may happen.


I read about people that do these magnificent things (<- great word) and the only difference between them and me is that they went out of their way to do it. I never go out of my way, im stuck in a mental labyrinth quotes and poems and lala land. One of my bosses once said "Whenever I walk by someone in the office they are secretly looking at clothes or gossip blogs, but Nicole is always secretly reading poems". I think I'm an escapist to distract myself from my own inaction.

But i really want to do something great for civilization. Something Oprah would have wanted to interview me for. I'd really like a killer eulogy read by a complete stranger whos life i affected in some positive way when I die.


As 8th Grader Suzy McSuze (not her real name, whatever) uniquely said at my sisters graduation, "There is no "try" there is only "do"......but what to do?

Ill get back to you on that one.


and in the spirit of escapism....

"I like to imagine that the world is one big machine. You know, machines never have any extra parts. They have the exact number and types of parts they need. So I figure if the entire world is a big machine, I have to be here for some reason, too.

- The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick